While an avowed fan of fictional ship captains, many of whom appear on this list (Kirk, Hornblower, Aubrey), that's not why I include this salty dog here. Rather, this Cap'n represents my juvenile affection for sugary, brightly-colored breakfast cereals of dubious nutritional value, an affection that lingered well past the onset of adulthood. As a kid, I liked Frosted Flakes, Froot Loops, Fruity Pebbles, really anything that promised to change the color of your milk and rot your baby teeth. The highest rank, though, was held by Cap'n Crunch, specifically, Crunch Berries (not Oops, All Berries - let's not get nuts). The perfect mix of flavor and texture, eating this cereal was an exercise in gustatory pleasure and physical pain - who among us isn't familiar with the cheek-shredding qualities of the square yellow companions to the titular crunch berries? The original flavoring was developed to recall brown sugar and butter over rice. How is there not a box of these around here somewhere? Weighing anchor in 1963, the cartoon mascot Cap'n Crunch was developed by Allan Burns, the same man who co-created The Mary Tyler Moore Show and The Munsters, and would be voiced in television commercials by Daws Butler, he of Yogi Bear, Elroy Jetson, and Snagglepuss fame (among others). It wasn't long, by the way, before the Crunch Berries variant was introduced in 1967, achieving the apotheosis of breakfast cereal evolution.
In college, Crunch Berries were a reliable morning (or sometimes afternoon) go-to at the dining hall. Sometimes we would play a game called Mad Cereal Scientist and mix together several types all in the same bowl, achieving mixed though sometimes brilliant results. Still, Crunch Berries alone remained the gold standard. When I was distance running, marathon training runs would often include sustaining fantasies about the large bowl of Crunch Berries I was earning through my labors. For that, Cap'n, and for the adolescence of torn flesh and Saturday morning delight, I salute you.
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